[ALBUM COVER CENSORED]
I used to like goregrind, but not anymore. Sure, I still enjoy bands like Carcass, Exhumed, Impaled, Dead Infection, Haemorrhage, General Surgery, Lymphatic Phlegm, Last Days of Humanity, Purulent Jacuzzi, Gore Bash, and a few others I can't remember, but other than that, the genre is just pure shit to me. The bands either try way too hard to be evil and brutal or they're unbearably childish in their attempts to be as offensive as possible. Those poor saps have no idea how much people are laughing at them. I mention all of this because Chainsaw Penis have come along with their first album called 50 Shades of Shit. On their Metal Archives page, their lyrical themes consist of chainsaws, penises, humor, sex, Nicholas Cage, and being the worst band in the world. They're basically saying, “Yeah, we know we suck and we don't care.” I appreciate their honesty. I really do.
There's not much to say about the music that can actually be called music. The drums are played with all the skill and enthusiasm of a kid who just got his first drum kit. Sure, he's terrible, but damn it, he's giving his all! I can hardly hear the guitars, but they mainly consist of really simple grindcore riffs. They seriously don't do anything. They're just... there. The vocals consist of both a scream and a growl. Judging by his performance, he's not being serious, especially when it comes to the screams. There are two songs that break this mold. The first one's called “Fuck The X Factor”. It's less of a song and more of an extended rant with a short grindcore session awkwardly tacked on at the end. I heard this song was included on a compilation released by Terrorizer Magazine. How did a “song” like this get on there? We will never know. The biggest surprise is the last song, “The Legend of Penis: Ocarina of Troll”. It consists of an ocarina playing the melody of the “Trololol” song by Eduard Khil. First of all, I'm surprised a grindcore band the likes of Chainsaw Penis was able to procure an ocarina. Second, this part of the album is shockingly good. They may not play the ocarina well, but they sure play it better than the other instruments.
To give these guys some credit, there were two parts on this album I really liked. The first one is the start of the song “Punching Women Whilst Wearing A Bear Suit” that consists of an audio clip from The Wicker Man, specifically the part where they pour a bunch of bees onto Nicholas Cage's face while he screams, “NO! NOT THE BEES!” I seriously need to see that movie. The second part I liked is the song “Metal Is Gay”. Ever since Seth Putnam died, countless bands have been trying to fill his shoes. Chainsaw Penis failed, but they sure made an admirable attempt. The lyrics consist of predictable stuff like, “Metal is gay, long hair is gay, leather is gay.” However, I laughed hard at the parts where they said, “Judas Priest are straight, black metal is really gay!” But then they ruin the moment by ranting about how black metal is gay. Come on, guys! Don't explain the joke!
That's Chainsaw Penis, ladies and gentlemen. They suck, but at least they admit they suck, and although they may not be the worst band in the world, they're still horrible. Then again, they're trolls, so being horrible was their intent. Well done!
0 comments:
Post a Comment