NOTE: I DID NOT WRITE THIS STORY. I'M SIMPLY REPOSTING IT HERE IN CASE THE SOURCE GETS DELETED.
Chapter 1 THE CURSE OF BAMBINO
Duke Nukem, Generic Spiral Knights Character, Heavy Weapons Guy, and Mama Luigi were all enjoying delicious slices
of American Pizza in Devilite New York City when all of a sudden the ghost of baseball appeared and stole the
pizza!
"We must get pizza back" said Duke Nukem.
"We must get pizza back" said Spiral Knights character.
"We must get pizza back" said the Heavy Weapons Guy.
"We must get pepperoni cheesecake back" said Mama Luigi.
So now they set off into the mountains of garbage to find Babe Ruth and rescue the pizza before it gets cold.
Will they find the pizza? Where is Odin? Where are all the Alucards?
Chapter 2 Our friends pursue the ghost.
Duke Nukem, SK Character, Mama Luigi, and HWG track Baby Ruth down to an abandoned parking lot full of people.
"THIS IS THE END OF YOU" said Duke Nukem.
"You fail to see that I am a ghost and your weapons can't harm me, you must collect the sacred Baseball Mud to be
able to defeat me.
"We do not have $24" said Mama Luigi
"We must go on an unnecessary quest to obtain money" said the SK Character
So that is how the quad of heroes set off to obtain the money needed to buy the fabled Baseball Mud.
Chapter 3 DUKE NUKEM MINIMUM WAGE
Duke Nukem decided to find a job nearby and happened upon Odin's Pizza Place.
'WELCOME TO ODIN'S PIZZA PLACE!" said the Viking, "THE ALL FATHER SMILES UPON PIZZA!"
"I need to get money and work minimum wage, and I'm all out of cash." said Duke Nukem.
"YOU ARE NO MAN!" said the Viking, handing Duke Nukem a mop.
AND SO DUKE BEGAN HIS QUEST, WORKING LONG HOURS OF CLEANING GUM UNDER TABLES AND KICKING COCKROACH ASS.
Chapter 4 VOG CUB QUEST
Spiral knights generic character did the same as Duke, looking for any low paying job. They did not find what they
was searching for. Instead Spiral Knights generic character found The Devilite New York City Socialist Workers
Party offices
"I am looking for a job that pays so I can afford to buy mud." said the Spiral Knight Character.
"Do you have any experience?" said Devilite Karl Marx
Spiral Knights generic character pondered this for a moment, were they a boy, girl, or a dirty communist?
"I do not buy Crystal Energy on mondays" they said.
"You start work in the morning, you shall be paid in Russian Rations, which are much better than French Rations."
And so Spiral Knights generic character took the job, neither gaining or losing money, but they did accomplish half
of something today.
CHAPTER 5 OF SOAP AND PEANESS
Mama Luigi was unlike the others, having no PHD in menial work, he had to resort to looking for loose change on the
ground.
Mama Luigi: Like they say in Brooklyn, early to bed, early to hide it in the mattress.
Suddenly, a large man appeared who should be dead but isn't.
Mama Luigi: Gasp.
Man: Hello I'm Orson Welles. What follows is your terrifying journey into a land of hellfire and cold showers.
Mama Luigi: Well...you're...an eggface!
Orson Welles: Look You can suck my good dead green frozen french fish goblin p-
Orson Welles was immediately taken down by the football he did not see being thrown.
Mama Luigi: You should join us.
Orson Welles: What the hell I need the money.
Mama Luigi: Now lets go visit a soapland.
Orson Welles: Yes.
ORSON WELLES JOINED THE PARTY
CHAPTER 5 HEAVY DRAMA (Html sucks ass here, so not bold I MEAN STRONG)
Heavy Weapons Guy was picking up loose change on the floor when he stumbled upon his friends Thomas and Alfred.
Heavy: Hello my friends.
Thomas and Alfred: Hello Heavy. We are making Pizza Butts. Will you help us?
Heavy: I do not have time.
Thomas and Alfred: Ohhh your just a sack of old sacks.
Heavy: I will kill tiny men for that!
The Heavy then shoved Thomas up Alfred's butthole and killed them both.
Heavy: What should I do now?
Thomas and Alfred: You can help us kill every cow on the planet.
Heavy: I do this.
TBC
There's a certain phrase in this story that you should not Google.
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